Tower Runner (noun) by Jeff Bolek
Once thought to be part of the kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, class Mammalia, Order Euarchonta, Family Hominidae, Genus Homo and Species H. Sapiens, recent discoveries suggest these creatures may be a separate species from H. Sapiens, that is H. SapiensTR. When comparing indicies of athletic performance capabilities to the more sedentary or even athletic H. Sapiens, extreme differences are routinely encountered. For example, resting heart rate for H. Sapiens is typically in the 60 b.p.m. range while H. Sapiens TR routinely have resting heart rates in the 35 to 40 b.p.m. range. They are capable of unusual feats of endurance such as reaching and maintaining at or near maximal heart rate for several minutes at a time. A typical accomplishment is maintaining maximal VO2 max consistently while running up 104 flights of stairs. Of note is that unlike H. Sapiens increased age does not tend to be a self limiting factor, with outstanding performances observed with those well into their 60’s and 70’s. The caloric intake required can be enormous, typically twice that of the sedentary or even athletic H. Sapiens, with no increase in weight. Percent of overall body fat is also typically in the 10 to 12% range, with lean muscle mass and bone predominant. Mis-diagnosis, such as tachycardia, is common. Instances of these creatures having been rushed to the ER have been reported, with suspected cardiac insufficiency suspected due to extremely low heart rates. They tend to be social and friendly in their interactions with others with one exception: attempting to pass them during a training or competition is not advised as they are extremely competitive and will pass the challenger, regardless of the available space. Sitings are quite rare outside competitions and good estimates as to the number worldwide are difficult to obtain. Their workouts tend to be “Ninja” style, barely seen or heard. Competitions almost always involve contributions to a social cause and can attract thousands of competitors with a fraction of them true H. SapiensTR, and most H. Sapiens. They appear to be equally distributed gender-wise.
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